is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i love accidental penises.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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