My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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