he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
