Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I lost the right to judge tonight
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize