Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
