is your mom at the bar?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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