I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
another moral hangover. fuck.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
