It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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