I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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