At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
