my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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