Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
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i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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