Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
