Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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