I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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