really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
