I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
