can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
