On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
