sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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