Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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