yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
