I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize