Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
