what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
