have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
