So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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