Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
