You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
no, he came in my armpit
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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