she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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