A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
