last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
