yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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