is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
