if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
