Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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