you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
