I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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