John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
