We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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