I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
