My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
