i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
