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I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
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