My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting