You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.