I think I won the penis lottery.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.