If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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