It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize