508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
