I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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