but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
