the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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