what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
