id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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