Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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