I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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