after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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