from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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