So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
